Friday, March 31, 2006
The Journey Begins
If I wasn't posting much before, I'm TWICE as not posting much now.
I'll fore go my usual gamer's dignity and associate with Disney toons any day of the week when Squenix is involved. It's Kingdom Hearts 2, it's Final Fantasy + Disney, it's a hell of a ride and it just got started. Going into the hole again, so keep expecting those posts to be short, unfun and largley there only to cover the daily requirement for posting.
If I wasn't posting much before, I'm TWICE as not posting much now.
I'll fore go my usual gamer's dignity and associate with Disney toons any day of the week when Squenix is involved. It's Kingdom Hearts 2, it's Final Fantasy + Disney, it's a hell of a ride and it just got started. Going into the hole again, so keep expecting those posts to be short, unfun and largley there only to cover the daily requirement for posting.
Labels: Games
Guess What
Still playing Suikoden V, to the point that I forgot to finish Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, and in theory, Kingdom Hearts 2 should be in the store for pick up tomorrow.
All of which translates into, "Gaming continues, posts are uninspired because I'm focused on playing."
Yeah. I'm a nerd. I've made peace with that, so you must too. But in my defense, the Wife is actually better at configuring armor and tweaking weapons and skills in RPGs...
Still playing Suikoden V, to the point that I forgot to finish Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, and in theory, Kingdom Hearts 2 should be in the store for pick up tomorrow.
All of which translates into, "Gaming continues, posts are uninspired because I'm focused on playing."
Yeah. I'm a nerd. I've made peace with that, so you must too. But in my defense, the Wife is actually better at configuring armor and tweaking weapons and skills in RPGs...
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts, Games
Thursday, March 30, 2006
The Blog Is Back To Normal
And I am still playing Suikoden V like a son of a bitch.
It's still early in the year, but if there were a contest for best story in an RPG, I'd say this game is a contender. It's like playing through a really good Fantasy novel.
And I am still playing Suikoden V like a son of a bitch.
It's still early in the year, but if there were a contest for best story in an RPG, I'd say this game is a contender. It's like playing through a really good Fantasy novel.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts, Games, RPGs
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Still More Technical Difficulties
But at least it got cleared up today. The blog is now working, but all the pictures have been lost. Oh well...
Right. Back to gaming.
But at least it got cleared up today. The blog is now working, but all the pictures have been lost. Oh well...
Right. Back to gaming.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Technical Difficulties
The blog is being moved over to the Wife's new host for her online portfolio, so things will take a while to clear up.
The blog is being moved over to the Wife's new host for her online portfolio, so things will take a while to clear up.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Monday, March 27, 2006
You Know You Married The Right Woman When
You spend an entire weekend playing a video game and not only is she okay with it, she frequently takes over. Then when you go to the office and think to yourself, "I can't wait to play some more," you meet up with her and she tells you, "I grinded the party up a few levels and killed a boss. I saved it just before the story developments though, so you can still watch them play out."
Right. Back to gaming.
You spend an entire weekend playing a video game and not only is she okay with it, she frequently takes over. Then when you go to the office and think to yourself, "I can't wait to play some more," you meet up with her and she tells you, "I grinded the party up a few levels and killed a boss. I saved it just before the story developments though, so you can still watch them play out."
Right. Back to gaming.
Labels: Icky Couple Stuff, RPGs
Sunday, March 26, 2006
We Apologize For The Inconvenience
Due to an uprising in the Falena queendom, the shattering of the matriarchy and the scattering of the surviving members of the royal family, your regularly scheduled daily post will not be appearing at this time. Regular posting will resume at the resolution of this crisis once homeland security has been restored and those who would do evil have been caught and punished.
In short, the story in this game is kicking at least three separate kinds of ass and I need to find out how it all turns out.
Due to an uprising in the Falena queendom, the shattering of the matriarchy and the scattering of the surviving members of the royal family, your regularly scheduled daily post will not be appearing at this time. Regular posting will resume at the resolution of this crisis once homeland security has been restored and those who would do evil have been caught and punished.
In short, the story in this game is kicking at least three separate kinds of ass and I need to find out how it all turns out.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
The Konami Double Feature
Only other gaming geeks will care, but this weekend was good to me in that I got:
Suikoden V, the latest entry into the classic PS1/2 series, which so far has some extremely annoying problems (Like loading all the damn time and no maps to navigate) but otherwise redeems the series from the nadir that was Suikoden IV. The characters and story are GOOD, and the Wife and I are getting sucked in.
The other Konami title, picked up at a drastically reduced price (For non-Singaporeans, games here typically weigh in at anywhere between $75-$120) of only $39 is:
Rumble Roses, the all-girl wrestling game. I really don't need to go into much detail about this since the above picture says it all; outrageously dressed sluts grabbing and pawing at each other and frequently falling onto one another in a writhing mass of sweaty, female flesh. At your discretion it can also happen in mud. Does the fun ever stop?!?
It was one of those games I was always curious about, but just could not justify at $70+, but seeing it on sale finally made me decide maybe now was the time. It also helps that the Wife was curious about it as well after commenting that the Xbox 360 version actually doesn't look that appealing. Taking the original PS2 version for a spin confirms it. Somehow, the more stylized, classically anime look of the girls seems a little more pleasing than the more photoreal approach the Microsoft version has embraced. Only finished the Reiko ending with tons more to go, but first there's the little matter of getting through Suikoden V, which I had harbored some doubts about, but after playing it for a few hours, I can definitely say to fans of the series who were disappointed by the previous entry that this one makes up for it. It's a little clunky mechanics-wise, but all the things you've loved about the previous games actually made it to this one.
Back to gaming...
Only other gaming geeks will care, but this weekend was good to me in that I got:
Suikoden V, the latest entry into the classic PS1/2 series, which so far has some extremely annoying problems (Like loading all the damn time and no maps to navigate) but otherwise redeems the series from the nadir that was Suikoden IV. The characters and story are GOOD, and the Wife and I are getting sucked in.
The other Konami title, picked up at a drastically reduced price (For non-Singaporeans, games here typically weigh in at anywhere between $75-$120) of only $39 is:
Rumble Roses, the all-girl wrestling game. I really don't need to go into much detail about this since the above picture says it all; outrageously dressed sluts grabbing and pawing at each other and frequently falling onto one another in a writhing mass of sweaty, female flesh. At your discretion it can also happen in mud. Does the fun ever stop?!?
It was one of those games I was always curious about, but just could not justify at $70+, but seeing it on sale finally made me decide maybe now was the time. It also helps that the Wife was curious about it as well after commenting that the Xbox 360 version actually doesn't look that appealing. Taking the original PS2 version for a spin confirms it. Somehow, the more stylized, classically anime look of the girls seems a little more pleasing than the more photoreal approach the Microsoft version has embraced. Only finished the Reiko ending with tons more to go, but first there's the little matter of getting through Suikoden V, which I had harbored some doubts about, but after playing it for a few hours, I can definitely say to fans of the series who were disappointed by the previous entry that this one makes up for it. It's a little clunky mechanics-wise, but all the things you've loved about the previous games actually made it to this one.
Back to gaming...
Friday, March 24, 2006
Just Like A Dream. Too Much Like One, In Fact.
It's a strange thing how supposedly "irrelevant" artists in other fields such as comics are actually getting more and more prominence as Hollywood looks for more areas to mine in its ceaseless, never ending appetite for new properties to present on the screen. However, the genesis of Mirrormask is probably one of the happier circumstances as it's not exactly a voracious Hollywood meat-grinder that came across Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean so much as the strangely comforting, felt covered embraced of the Muppet Factory, The Jim Henson Company.
But I think it's a good thing--which of course is rife with the potential for abuse, just look at any video game based movie by Uwe Bolle to see what I mean--although I think it's pretty clear that what there's a reason most people aren't Leonardo DaVinci; it's extremely difficult to be that good at so many things, even when they're interrelated.
That's what I thought when I watched Mirrormask which is original and engaging in many, many ways, but trips up somewhat at the fundamental level of narrative in film. It is, all things considered, an amazing first effort by Dave McKean as director who up until this point had only directed his short films, so the fact that it comes off as enjoyable but flawed speaks much of his potential as a director; if he did this well when he was basically clueless and learning the ropes, his work will be much more powerful as he becomes an assured hand at it.
The visuals themselves... well, there's no getting around it, this is like wandering around inside the cover of an issue of The Sandman. It's a pretty safe bet that viewers will see things they have never seen or imagined every three minutes. The originality of McKean's vision shines through and through. The same holds true to a lesser degree for the narrative, written of course, by Neil-O. For people who follow his writing faithfully, the are a few Neil-isms to be recognized here and there, but writing for film is a different beast from writing for comics or novels and I think the inexperience of Neil-O in this area shows somewhat.
There are many parallels between this and the Henson's other famous "girl in another world" film, Labyrinth; both films feature a troubled girl, uncomfortable with her life and "normal" world, wishing to escape it, and, by thoughtlessly uttering a phrase, placing a loved in a peril that necessitates traveling to another world largely composed of objects familiar to the girl blown up into strange, dreamlike context, from which she learns more about herself and lessons about life even as she undertakes her quest with friends that end up betraying her and then redeeming themselves.
However, the predecessor, Labyrinth though no match for Mirrormask in the visuals department, edges it out slightly in terms of structure and pace. I think the chief problem for me is that although both Labyrinth and Mirrormask have "vignette" events--strange, unexpected situations and characters the show how off kilter the world is--Mirrormask seems almost too random in its events. It's an odd thing to say, because while in both movies these random events do push the story forward, Labyrinth's strangeness feels more organic, more natural, and the consequences that result from those encounters also feel logical within the context of the story. Mirrormask on the other hand seems to occasionally feel like the incredible sights and characters were thought of for their own sake, and then had narrative devices cobbled onto them to justify their existence in the film. It also feels sometimes like there's much more to the film that we're not seeing. The film flows for the most part, but occasionally, the cuts between events feels as if we've missed something as if in the journey from point A to B, there was an event we might have benefitted from that we missed out on.
In the end it almost feels as if Neil-O had gone a bit too overboard on the dream logic in the narrative and presented a series of events that, like a dream, dont' necessarily connect to each other in a smooth and meaningful way, but when you're talking a movie, especially one for children of all ages, that arbitrary, unexplained nature of dream events doesn't always carry over so well.
Still, the performances were good, with not a single bad actor in the lot, though I hesitate to say that anyone was really amazing. The character of Valentine stole the show, though if I would have to pick out anyone/thing as a favorite, it would have to be Sphinxes and Griffens. All the winged, cat-like creatures with human faces were some of the most unsettling things I've seen in years, and the fact that they had varying levels of speaking ability made them that much creepier.
It's a strange thing how supposedly "irrelevant" artists in other fields such as comics are actually getting more and more prominence as Hollywood looks for more areas to mine in its ceaseless, never ending appetite for new properties to present on the screen. However, the genesis of Mirrormask is probably one of the happier circumstances as it's not exactly a voracious Hollywood meat-grinder that came across Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean so much as the strangely comforting, felt covered embraced of the Muppet Factory, The Jim Henson Company.
But I think it's a good thing--which of course is rife with the potential for abuse, just look at any video game based movie by Uwe Bolle to see what I mean--although I think it's pretty clear that what there's a reason most people aren't Leonardo DaVinci; it's extremely difficult to be that good at so many things, even when they're interrelated.
That's what I thought when I watched Mirrormask which is original and engaging in many, many ways, but trips up somewhat at the fundamental level of narrative in film. It is, all things considered, an amazing first effort by Dave McKean as director who up until this point had only directed his short films, so the fact that it comes off as enjoyable but flawed speaks much of his potential as a director; if he did this well when he was basically clueless and learning the ropes, his work will be much more powerful as he becomes an assured hand at it.
The visuals themselves... well, there's no getting around it, this is like wandering around inside the cover of an issue of The Sandman. It's a pretty safe bet that viewers will see things they have never seen or imagined every three minutes. The originality of McKean's vision shines through and through. The same holds true to a lesser degree for the narrative, written of course, by Neil-O. For people who follow his writing faithfully, the are a few Neil-isms to be recognized here and there, but writing for film is a different beast from writing for comics or novels and I think the inexperience of Neil-O in this area shows somewhat.
There are many parallels between this and the Henson's other famous "girl in another world" film, Labyrinth; both films feature a troubled girl, uncomfortable with her life and "normal" world, wishing to escape it, and, by thoughtlessly uttering a phrase, placing a loved in a peril that necessitates traveling to another world largely composed of objects familiar to the girl blown up into strange, dreamlike context, from which she learns more about herself and lessons about life even as she undertakes her quest with friends that end up betraying her and then redeeming themselves.
However, the predecessor, Labyrinth though no match for Mirrormask in the visuals department, edges it out slightly in terms of structure and pace. I think the chief problem for me is that although both Labyrinth and Mirrormask have "vignette" events--strange, unexpected situations and characters the show how off kilter the world is--Mirrormask seems almost too random in its events. It's an odd thing to say, because while in both movies these random events do push the story forward, Labyrinth's strangeness feels more organic, more natural, and the consequences that result from those encounters also feel logical within the context of the story. Mirrormask on the other hand seems to occasionally feel like the incredible sights and characters were thought of for their own sake, and then had narrative devices cobbled onto them to justify their existence in the film. It also feels sometimes like there's much more to the film that we're not seeing. The film flows for the most part, but occasionally, the cuts between events feels as if we've missed something as if in the journey from point A to B, there was an event we might have benefitted from that we missed out on.
In the end it almost feels as if Neil-O had gone a bit too overboard on the dream logic in the narrative and presented a series of events that, like a dream, dont' necessarily connect to each other in a smooth and meaningful way, but when you're talking a movie, especially one for children of all ages, that arbitrary, unexplained nature of dream events doesn't always carry over so well.
Still, the performances were good, with not a single bad actor in the lot, though I hesitate to say that anyone was really amazing. The character of Valentine stole the show, though if I would have to pick out anyone/thing as a favorite, it would have to be Sphinxes and Griffens. All the winged, cat-like creatures with human faces were some of the most unsettling things I've seen in years, and the fact that they had varying levels of speaking ability made them that much creepier.
Labels: Movies, Musing, Neil-O
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Serenity & How I Overhyped Myself
And now it is well and truly over.
I have watched everything there is to watch relating to Captain Malcolm Reynolds and the crew of the Firefly class frigate Serenity, consumed every extra and hung on every word of wisdom that escaped Joss Whedon's lips on his commentaries.
I'm sorry to say that I think I overdid it on the expectations for Serenity, which I just watched today.
Having heard of it, and, more importantly, read the reactions by fans of the show in regards to it, I went into this film with extremely, extremely, extremely high expectations. I went into it not expecting anything short of The Greatest Movie, Nay, The Greatest Single Experience Of My Entire Life And Perhaps That Of Our Species And Possibly Plane Of Existence, Rewriting Our Very Notions Of Good.
Instead, what I got was a really great, enjoyable movie, which was enormously disappointing because I was convinced I would be transformed as a human being after watching it, and instead was highly entertained, a far cry from experiencing a shift in consciousness so profound it pushes you up a couple of rungs on the evolutionary ladder.
It's really a shame, because I do like the movie, but I feel slightly let down by the fact that it wasn't mindblowing beyond all reason as I'd been led to believe. I think I've discovered one of the major dangers of Believing The Hype in this sense, because what I was hoping for, really, was the same sense of delighted surprise I first got upon watching Battlestar Galactica, where I went into it mostly blind, having only heard a few positive responses here and there. The show itself convinced me, not the buzz surrounding it. Unfortunately, having trolled through the Battlestar Galactica forums--and other forums--in the mean time, everything I'd heard about this movie made it out to be quite possibly the most important event in human history, and in the end, I foolishly went into the film expecting it to be just that, rather than what it is; a damn good film.
Perhaps it's because I'm a writer and not a "dedicated audience" member. Or maybe I'm just getting too jaded and cynical in my old age, or perhaps once again, it's just being old. But the movie didn't change my life for the better as so many have claimed it did for them. My experience of it, while positive was a shallow thing; simple enjoyment. I'll always appreciate it for that, and I certainly treasure some of the lines, some of the moments, and in particular some of the shocks (I mean come on, Wash? Why, Joss, WHY?!?) but for whatever reason, I can't count myself among the Browncoats or other fans that can point to this as a juncture and life-altering point in their lives. I either lack the vision, courage or faith to let this film take me to that place.
And though this is probably a blasphemy as far as True Fans are concerned, I actually still prefer the television series. It seemed to me that the events of this film were key moments that Whedon--had Firefly not been cancelled--would have ladeled out sparingly, making them far more effective as key points over the course of an ongoing narrative, rather than compress them all into the span of a feature length film. Despite the fact that this had a bigger budget, better lighting and some truly insane steadi-cam one takes, the overall impact of this story would have been better served in an episodic format, giving everyone more time to develop and giving the audience more time to really get dark with Mal and then cheer him on when he finds his purpose.
So for me the lesson learned here is whenever possible, go into a film with minimal to no expectations. Getting caught in the wave of hype will create an expectation in your head no movie can possibly live up to. I like this movie. I really like it. But I'm still pissed it didn't bring me to Nirvana as I'd been led to believe.
And now it is well and truly over.
I have watched everything there is to watch relating to Captain Malcolm Reynolds and the crew of the Firefly class frigate Serenity, consumed every extra and hung on every word of wisdom that escaped Joss Whedon's lips on his commentaries.
I'm sorry to say that I think I overdid it on the expectations for Serenity, which I just watched today.
Having heard of it, and, more importantly, read the reactions by fans of the show in regards to it, I went into this film with extremely, extremely, extremely high expectations. I went into it not expecting anything short of The Greatest Movie, Nay, The Greatest Single Experience Of My Entire Life And Perhaps That Of Our Species And Possibly Plane Of Existence, Rewriting Our Very Notions Of Good.
Instead, what I got was a really great, enjoyable movie, which was enormously disappointing because I was convinced I would be transformed as a human being after watching it, and instead was highly entertained, a far cry from experiencing a shift in consciousness so profound it pushes you up a couple of rungs on the evolutionary ladder.
It's really a shame, because I do like the movie, but I feel slightly let down by the fact that it wasn't mindblowing beyond all reason as I'd been led to believe. I think I've discovered one of the major dangers of Believing The Hype in this sense, because what I was hoping for, really, was the same sense of delighted surprise I first got upon watching Battlestar Galactica, where I went into it mostly blind, having only heard a few positive responses here and there. The show itself convinced me, not the buzz surrounding it. Unfortunately, having trolled through the Battlestar Galactica forums--and other forums--in the mean time, everything I'd heard about this movie made it out to be quite possibly the most important event in human history, and in the end, I foolishly went into the film expecting it to be just that, rather than what it is; a damn good film.
Perhaps it's because I'm a writer and not a "dedicated audience" member. Or maybe I'm just getting too jaded and cynical in my old age, or perhaps once again, it's just being old. But the movie didn't change my life for the better as so many have claimed it did for them. My experience of it, while positive was a shallow thing; simple enjoyment. I'll always appreciate it for that, and I certainly treasure some of the lines, some of the moments, and in particular some of the shocks (I mean come on, Wash? Why, Joss, WHY?!?) but for whatever reason, I can't count myself among the Browncoats or other fans that can point to this as a juncture and life-altering point in their lives. I either lack the vision, courage or faith to let this film take me to that place.
And though this is probably a blasphemy as far as True Fans are concerned, I actually still prefer the television series. It seemed to me that the events of this film were key moments that Whedon--had Firefly not been cancelled--would have ladeled out sparingly, making them far more effective as key points over the course of an ongoing narrative, rather than compress them all into the span of a feature length film. Despite the fact that this had a bigger budget, better lighting and some truly insane steadi-cam one takes, the overall impact of this story would have been better served in an episodic format, giving everyone more time to develop and giving the audience more time to really get dark with Mal and then cheer him on when he finds his purpose.
So for me the lesson learned here is whenever possible, go into a film with minimal to no expectations. Getting caught in the wave of hype will create an expectation in your head no movie can possibly live up to. I like this movie. I really like it. But I'm still pissed it didn't bring me to Nirvana as I'd been led to believe.
Labels: Movies, Musing, Sci-Fi Television
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
"We need emotional content."
In what is a strange turn of events, the Wife is the one that ended up seeing a DVD at the store and insisting we buy it and watch it that night. What makes this stranger still is the fact that she wanted this particular DVD for reference purposes, and it ended up being Enter The Dragon starring Bruce Lee.
It's actually been over 10 years since I've seen this movie, and what blew me away about it is despite the fact that it's over 30 years old, the fighting in this film is actually superior to much of what is seen in cinema. I think the easiest way to account for this is that the fighting is more practical than cinematic (This being a major sticking point with Bruce Lee) and so while it's glammed up somewhat to make it look a little bit more palatable for the screen, these are still genuine techniques that can be used to kill a guy, or, at the very least, make him unrecognizable to even his mother. I was also shocked by the fact that when the fights were filmed in this movie, I could actually see what was happening! It made me realize I've gotten used to a different standard of presentation in combat in film. I suspect it's mostly just to cover the fact that most fights in cinema today are not done by masters at the top of their game in a chosen form of combat, so you get a lot of fast cuts, extreme close ups, slow motion up the wazoo, strobing and other effects to mask as much as possible what is actually happening.
On the other hand, when Bruce Lee smacks a guy in the face, the reason you may not see it is because Bruce Lee is just that damn fast. There were moments during the tournament fights where I had to rewind it and just watch a hit again, because it was blink-and-you-miss-it moment. The speed he had was phenomenal, and it's made all the more impressive because the nature of the choreography in the fights makes it clear that these people actually did know what they were doing.
It may not be fashionable, but I find myself actually preferring this method of presentation for fighting in film. I like these long shots where they show kicks and long, sustained sequences of skill and power. And I like the fact that while it may not be flashy with wire work, all kinds of whirlwind kicks, and extended sessions of "block, block, block, block, duck, duck, kick, KICK!" the brevity of the fights, mixed with the strength and brutality of some of those hits makes these fights far more interesting than, say, the burly brawl of Matrix Reloaded fame.
Either that, or I'm just old.
In what is a strange turn of events, the Wife is the one that ended up seeing a DVD at the store and insisting we buy it and watch it that night. What makes this stranger still is the fact that she wanted this particular DVD for reference purposes, and it ended up being Enter The Dragon starring Bruce Lee.
It's actually been over 10 years since I've seen this movie, and what blew me away about it is despite the fact that it's over 30 years old, the fighting in this film is actually superior to much of what is seen in cinema. I think the easiest way to account for this is that the fighting is more practical than cinematic (This being a major sticking point with Bruce Lee) and so while it's glammed up somewhat to make it look a little bit more palatable for the screen, these are still genuine techniques that can be used to kill a guy, or, at the very least, make him unrecognizable to even his mother. I was also shocked by the fact that when the fights were filmed in this movie, I could actually see what was happening! It made me realize I've gotten used to a different standard of presentation in combat in film. I suspect it's mostly just to cover the fact that most fights in cinema today are not done by masters at the top of their game in a chosen form of combat, so you get a lot of fast cuts, extreme close ups, slow motion up the wazoo, strobing and other effects to mask as much as possible what is actually happening.
On the other hand, when Bruce Lee smacks a guy in the face, the reason you may not see it is because Bruce Lee is just that damn fast. There were moments during the tournament fights where I had to rewind it and just watch a hit again, because it was blink-and-you-miss-it moment. The speed he had was phenomenal, and it's made all the more impressive because the nature of the choreography in the fights makes it clear that these people actually did know what they were doing.
It may not be fashionable, but I find myself actually preferring this method of presentation for fighting in film. I like these long shots where they show kicks and long, sustained sequences of skill and power. And I like the fact that while it may not be flashy with wire work, all kinds of whirlwind kicks, and extended sessions of "block, block, block, block, duck, duck, kick, KICK!" the brevity of the fights, mixed with the strength and brutality of some of those hits makes these fights far more interesting than, say, the burly brawl of Matrix Reloaded fame.
Either that, or I'm just old.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
After 3 Months Of Semi-Regular Practice
I STILL cannot complete Bark At The Moon by Ozzy Osborne on the expert setting of Guitar Hero.
I feel bad.
Also, I have finally seen Neil-O's Mirrormask and while I liked it, I didn't like it as much as I thought I would. More on that later.
I STILL cannot complete Bark At The Moon by Ozzy Osborne on the expert setting of Guitar Hero.
I feel bad.
Also, I have finally seen Neil-O's Mirrormask and while I liked it, I didn't like it as much as I thought I would. More on that later.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts, Guitar Hero
Monday, March 20, 2006
Straight From A Part Time Game Journalist
I was recently made aware that someone with the local version of Electronic Gaming Monthly wrote a little editorial about how game journalists are a sad, lonely, misunderstood lot. There are two ways to take this. Either the writer was being sarcastic (In which case he wasn't much of a writer since the sarcasm didn't take too well) or else he was a rather overinflated sense of his own position in life and rails at not being taken seriously by his peers.
I dunno, man, I write reviews and play games too, but I'm not so lofty about it that I think game journalists are somehow supposed to be on the same plateau as Woodward and Bernstein. It's not like this is "pure journalism" where you report events to keep the public informed, this is opinion pieces about a relatively new art form that is itself still not taken seriously. And it's a art form that is all about play and enjoyment. We're talking about fungames, for God's sake, why SHOULD people who are paid to play them be taken seriously with so many other things going on in the world that are really deserving of respect.
I don't think that gaming journalists are the dregs of society, but I think that when most people have mind numbingly boring jobs that they can't really abide and someone is giving you money to try out a game and then wax lyrical about its merits... buddy, you've got a pretty sweet deal, and you should appreciate that. You cannot expect an elevated perception or a high level of societal respect when your field of criticism isn't even regarded that way. Now that might be a might hoity-toity for something that ain't real serious no-how, but I reckon it's time people that fancy themselves respectable artist types just be quit with the whining and carrying on about being misunderstood and really show some gumption; if they're serious, they ougghta' get out of gaming to begin with and go where they really belong, like writing for a fancy magazine or newspaper.
Uh... Yeah. Been watching too much Firefly. Oh well, back to the commentaries...
I was recently made aware that someone with the local version of Electronic Gaming Monthly wrote a little editorial about how game journalists are a sad, lonely, misunderstood lot. There are two ways to take this. Either the writer was being sarcastic (In which case he wasn't much of a writer since the sarcasm didn't take too well) or else he was a rather overinflated sense of his own position in life and rails at not being taken seriously by his peers.
I dunno, man, I write reviews and play games too, but I'm not so lofty about it that I think game journalists are somehow supposed to be on the same plateau as Woodward and Bernstein. It's not like this is "pure journalism" where you report events to keep the public informed, this is opinion pieces about a relatively new art form that is itself still not taken seriously. And it's a art form that is all about play and enjoyment. We're talking about fungames, for God's sake, why SHOULD people who are paid to play them be taken seriously with so many other things going on in the world that are really deserving of respect.
I don't think that gaming journalists are the dregs of society, but I think that when most people have mind numbingly boring jobs that they can't really abide and someone is giving you money to try out a game and then wax lyrical about its merits... buddy, you've got a pretty sweet deal, and you should appreciate that. You cannot expect an elevated perception or a high level of societal respect when your field of criticism isn't even regarded that way. Now that might be a might hoity-toity for something that ain't real serious no-how, but I reckon it's time people that fancy themselves respectable artist types just be quit with the whining and carrying on about being misunderstood and really show some gumption; if they're serious, they ougghta' get out of gaming to begin with and go where they really belong, like writing for a fancy magazine or newspaper.
Uh... Yeah. Been watching too much Firefly. Oh well, back to the commentaries...
Labels: Gaming Industry, Journalism
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Why Superman Is A Goody Two-Shoes
It recent days it has come to light that the upcoming movie Superman Returns will have a brief cameo by Hugh Jackman of X-Men movies fame playing young Pa Kent. Upon reading this bit of news, it immediately set off alarm bells in my head that crossed comic universes, and it dawned on me, with complete certainty, that I had stumbled upon the reason why Clark "Kal-El" Kent would be so abnormally dedicated to playing it as straight as he possibly could; he was a victim of the usual rebellion we all go through where we try to end up nothing like our parents. Witness:
About Truth:
Ma Kent: Honey, where've you two been?
Clark "Young Superman" Kent: Dad was busy talking to Mrs. Lang about meeting him for drinks at the-... I don't feel so good...
[He slumps to the ground as his father pockets the kryptonite he'd put on the back of his neck]
Pa "Wolverine" Kent: Uh... Clark ain't feeling so good after all that excitement, he touched a girl and all, you know how traumatizing that can be for the boy.
CK: Dad... that's... a lie...
PK: Sometimes you gotta' hide the truth from the ones you love.
CK: Can't... be... right...
About Justice:
PK: C'mon, bub, do it.
CK: But dad, that's not very sportsman like.
PK: "Sportsman like"? Listen, bub, this ain't sport, this is huntin', I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do ain't very nice at all.
CK: You're a farmer.
PK: Shut it, runt, I'm talkin' here. Now you see that deer? That deer may be fast, might even be too fast for me with my augmented speed and mutant healing factor, but you? Ain't no way that thing is going to outrun them lasers in your eyes.
CK: YOU'RE SUCH A LOUSE, I HATE YOU!
PK: Yeah, yeah, cry me a river, and pass me that beer.
CK: I'm never going to drink beer like you!
PK: [Burping] Great, more brewskis for me.
About Patriotism:
PK: AMERICA CAN SUCK ON MY BIG, HAIRY, ADAMANTIUM LACED BUTT.
CK: Geez, dad, if you hate this country so much why are you here?!?
PK: Taxes, kid. Back in Canada the taxes are way too high, but these suckers, hell, they'll always cut you some slack provided you scratch their back. Or impale the back of an undesirable political thorn that needs an adamantium claw running through it. Heh, pigs.
CK: I don't think that's right, dad! I think you should have more respect for this country!
PK: CANADA IS BETTER, AND THAT'S FINAL, BUB.
CK: NO! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE AMERICAN WAY, EH?
PK: Oh, shut your yap and hand me that cigar.
CK: I swear to God, I'm never going to smoke and smell like you.
About The Sanctity Of Life:
CK: Oh my GOD, WHAT ARE DOING?!?
PK: Disembowelling someone for fun before slipping into a psychotic, cannibalistic rage and eating their steaming entrails raw, what does it look like?
CK: BUT... WHY?!?
PK: Bub, sometimes people, they just need killing.
CK: What'd he do?
PK: Nothin', I just didn't like the look of him.
CK: You can't just kill people because you feel like it, dad!
PK: Son, this is America, you damn well can. You think you're still alive at school because you're a good kid? It's 'cause you're BULLET PROOF, that's why...
CK: Life is sacred and killing is wrong!
PK: You will kill indiscriminantly and you will like it, bub. I raised you to be Weapon Y, and you will do your father proud and become the greatest covert ops mutant assassin that world has ever seen!
CK: NO! I HATE YOU! I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY AND FIGHT FOR COMMON DECENCY AND NOT WEAR A MASK AND DO NICE THINGS FOR PEOPLE, AND DO SOMETHING NOBLE LIKE... LIKE... JOURNALISM! I'LL NEVER BE LIKE YOU!!
PK: FINE, BE THAT WAY! DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOU CAN'T GET LAID, YA' PANSY...
It recent days it has come to light that the upcoming movie Superman Returns will have a brief cameo by Hugh Jackman of X-Men movies fame playing young Pa Kent. Upon reading this bit of news, it immediately set off alarm bells in my head that crossed comic universes, and it dawned on me, with complete certainty, that I had stumbled upon the reason why Clark "Kal-El" Kent would be so abnormally dedicated to playing it as straight as he possibly could; he was a victim of the usual rebellion we all go through where we try to end up nothing like our parents. Witness:
About Truth:
Ma Kent: Honey, where've you two been?
Clark "Young Superman" Kent: Dad was busy talking to Mrs. Lang about meeting him for drinks at the-... I don't feel so good...
[He slumps to the ground as his father pockets the kryptonite he'd put on the back of his neck]
Pa "Wolverine" Kent: Uh... Clark ain't feeling so good after all that excitement, he touched a girl and all, you know how traumatizing that can be for the boy.
CK: Dad... that's... a lie...
PK: Sometimes you gotta' hide the truth from the ones you love.
CK: Can't... be... right...
About Justice:
PK: C'mon, bub, do it.
CK: But dad, that's not very sportsman like.
PK: "Sportsman like"? Listen, bub, this ain't sport, this is huntin', I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do ain't very nice at all.
CK: You're a farmer.
PK: Shut it, runt, I'm talkin' here. Now you see that deer? That deer may be fast, might even be too fast for me with my augmented speed and mutant healing factor, but you? Ain't no way that thing is going to outrun them lasers in your eyes.
CK: YOU'RE SUCH A LOUSE, I HATE YOU!
PK: Yeah, yeah, cry me a river, and pass me that beer.
CK: I'm never going to drink beer like you!
PK: [Burping] Great, more brewskis for me.
About Patriotism:
PK: AMERICA CAN SUCK ON MY BIG, HAIRY, ADAMANTIUM LACED BUTT.
CK: Geez, dad, if you hate this country so much why are you here?!?
PK: Taxes, kid. Back in Canada the taxes are way too high, but these suckers, hell, they'll always cut you some slack provided you scratch their back. Or impale the back of an undesirable political thorn that needs an adamantium claw running through it. Heh, pigs.
CK: I don't think that's right, dad! I think you should have more respect for this country!
PK: CANADA IS BETTER, AND THAT'S FINAL, BUB.
CK: NO! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE AMERICAN WAY, EH?
PK: Oh, shut your yap and hand me that cigar.
CK: I swear to God, I'm never going to smoke and smell like you.
About The Sanctity Of Life:
CK: Oh my GOD, WHAT ARE DOING?!?
PK: Disembowelling someone for fun before slipping into a psychotic, cannibalistic rage and eating their steaming entrails raw, what does it look like?
CK: BUT... WHY?!?
PK: Bub, sometimes people, they just need killing.
CK: What'd he do?
PK: Nothin', I just didn't like the look of him.
CK: You can't just kill people because you feel like it, dad!
PK: Son, this is America, you damn well can. You think you're still alive at school because you're a good kid? It's 'cause you're BULLET PROOF, that's why...
CK: Life is sacred and killing is wrong!
PK: You will kill indiscriminantly and you will like it, bub. I raised you to be Weapon Y, and you will do your father proud and become the greatest covert ops mutant assassin that world has ever seen!
CK: NO! I HATE YOU! I'M GOING TO RUN AWAY AND FIGHT FOR COMMON DECENCY AND NOT WEAR A MASK AND DO NICE THINGS FOR PEOPLE, AND DO SOMETHING NOBLE LIKE... LIKE... JOURNALISM! I'LL NEVER BE LIKE YOU!!
PK: FINE, BE THAT WAY! DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOU CAN'T GET LAID, YA' PANSY...
Labels: Comics, Stupid Scripts
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Firefly & Bloggers In Real Life
Not much of the exciting or high-larious to report except that I am now in severe depression/withdrawal over having finished watching the final episode of Josh Whedon's Firefly and have truly lost all hope in humanity. How the hell a television show this genius could get cancelled is completely, utterly beyond me. I'm a character and dialogue whore, so this show was practically made for me, the way it sucked me in with one amazing line after another and compounded it with characters that I gave a damn about and wanted to see come out of scrapes okay.
Alas, poor Serenity. We hardly knew ye. But they can't take the sky from you.
I still haven't seen Serenity yet, but now that I've watched the series (Why, American viewers? WHY? WHY DID YOU LET THIS SHOW DIE?!?) it's something that I mean to rectify in very short order.
I also did one of those you always sort of wonder about but are never quite sure how it would go and met a blogger. Or at least a blogger I liked and who's stuff I've been reading since I got acquainted with him last year over Neil-O's arrival in south east Asia. His name is Adel Gabot and I only got to know him through mutual comments on each of our blogs after I went hunting around the internet to see how Neil-O was faring after he left Singapore. Since Adel is also a writer, and since we're both pathetic geeks, we hit it off amicably, and when he came over to Singapore for business over the course of the week, it seemed like a good idea to meet him, so the Wife and had a milkshake with him at the Bug Eyes and it was all good.
It's a weird thing having to reconfigure your brain though. I mean, when you read someone's stuff for months, or even years, and get a feeling for who they are, that idea is filtered through your own prejudices and imagination, so naturally, if you're never met the person, you create mannerisms, rhythms, cadences and characteristics that may not actually be present in the real, living, breathing person. Like even though I got on well with Adel and like him, there was that shock moment when I first heard his voice and realized all this time, his mental image in my head had included a North American accent, which was stupid since he's from the Philippines, but my natural inclination is to mentally assign everyone a North American voice, since, well, that's the one I've got.
But once you get past the initial perception you've formed, and start paying attention to the person in front of you, things become much easier and more pleasant and that was certainly the case here. It's always good to just sit around and geek out about everything from how lousy the new Star Wars trilogy was to watching an uncensored version of V for Vendetta in the Philippines to just showing off the majesty and lunacy that is Feel The Magic XX/XY on the Nintendo DS. There was even a little shop talk since, we're both writers, though he's considerably farther up the food chain being an editor while I've mucked around as a happy go lucky gaming journalist.
Speaking of which, these are the topics I would like to address in future posts over the next few days: Gaming Journalism and how it's NOT supposed to be taken seriously, Were Animals, and the real reason Superman turned out to be such a big blue boyscout.
There. I've written 'em, so now I shouldn't forget them. Now it's back to Firefly and going through commentaries so that I can stretch and delay the post-partum depression out a little bit more...
Not much of the exciting or high-larious to report except that I am now in severe depression/withdrawal over having finished watching the final episode of Josh Whedon's Firefly and have truly lost all hope in humanity. How the hell a television show this genius could get cancelled is completely, utterly beyond me. I'm a character and dialogue whore, so this show was practically made for me, the way it sucked me in with one amazing line after another and compounded it with characters that I gave a damn about and wanted to see come out of scrapes okay.
Alas, poor Serenity. We hardly knew ye. But they can't take the sky from you.
I still haven't seen Serenity yet, but now that I've watched the series (Why, American viewers? WHY? WHY DID YOU LET THIS SHOW DIE?!?) it's something that I mean to rectify in very short order.
I also did one of those you always sort of wonder about but are never quite sure how it would go and met a blogger. Or at least a blogger I liked and who's stuff I've been reading since I got acquainted with him last year over Neil-O's arrival in south east Asia. His name is Adel Gabot and I only got to know him through mutual comments on each of our blogs after I went hunting around the internet to see how Neil-O was faring after he left Singapore. Since Adel is also a writer, and since we're both pathetic geeks, we hit it off amicably, and when he came over to Singapore for business over the course of the week, it seemed like a good idea to meet him, so the Wife and had a milkshake with him at the Bug Eyes and it was all good.
It's a weird thing having to reconfigure your brain though. I mean, when you read someone's stuff for months, or even years, and get a feeling for who they are, that idea is filtered through your own prejudices and imagination, so naturally, if you're never met the person, you create mannerisms, rhythms, cadences and characteristics that may not actually be present in the real, living, breathing person. Like even though I got on well with Adel and like him, there was that shock moment when I first heard his voice and realized all this time, his mental image in my head had included a North American accent, which was stupid since he's from the Philippines, but my natural inclination is to mentally assign everyone a North American voice, since, well, that's the one I've got.
But once you get past the initial perception you've formed, and start paying attention to the person in front of you, things become much easier and more pleasant and that was certainly the case here. It's always good to just sit around and geek out about everything from how lousy the new Star Wars trilogy was to watching an uncensored version of V for Vendetta in the Philippines to just showing off the majesty and lunacy that is Feel The Magic XX/XY on the Nintendo DS. There was even a little shop talk since, we're both writers, though he's considerably farther up the food chain being an editor while I've mucked around as a happy go lucky gaming journalist.
Speaking of which, these are the topics I would like to address in future posts over the next few days: Gaming Journalism and how it's NOT supposed to be taken seriously, Were Animals, and the real reason Superman turned out to be such a big blue boyscout.
There. I've written 'em, so now I shouldn't forget them. Now it's back to Firefly and going through commentaries so that I can stretch and delay the post-partum depression out a little bit more...
Labels: Friends, My Life, Sci-Fi Television
Friday, March 17, 2006
Say You Want A Revolution
Holy Hell.
Saw V for Vendetta tonight.
Not much to say at the moment, I'm still reeling, except that I want to bomb a building incredibly badly and stick it to... well, anyone in charge. And I'm not even particularly oppressed, but man, I feel that sense of righteousness that comes from being oppressed.
Holy Hell.
Saw V for Vendetta tonight.
Not much to say at the moment, I'm still reeling, except that I want to bomb a building incredibly badly and stick it to... well, anyone in charge. And I'm not even particularly oppressed, but man, I feel that sense of righteousness that comes from being oppressed.
Labels: Movies
Thursday, March 16, 2006
My New Find
I popped this into the DVD player last night and was completely, utterly blown away. I feel incredibly bad now, because I know there's a ton of great anime floating around out there that I haven't watched, but THIS... my God, this is definitely one of the harsher and weirder ones out there, I'm sure.
It's called Elfen Lied, though that last word is pronounced "leed".
The series has been around for a while now, but of course, I'm hopelessly out of the loop on these things, because I'm not plugged into that anime livewire like I used to be in university, and anime has gotten a lot bigger and more complex than the days of yore that I remember when we would all quiver over a bad VHS recording of an episode of Zeta Gundam that had been recorded straight off Japanese TV, no subtitles, and made into a million buzillion copies, of which we got episodes 12 and 26, as 45th generation dub. These days you can you just peruse a copy of Newtype USA and walk into a DVD store and the choices, as well as the pseudo-wannabe-new-American Otaku culture that has sprung up in its wake, are a little overwhelming.
Anyway, all that aside the series itself concerns a psychic mutant by the name of Lucy. Or at least it starts out that way. The opening sets the tone for the rest of the series, that is dark and brutal at times and sweet and adorable, randomly and unpredictably taking turns from one into the other. Lucy can rend human beings to shreds simply by thinking about it, and is in confinement at some high tech research facility, and the first episode is about her break out. The level of violence is staggering and ends with Lucy making her way outside only take narrowly avoid death when a sniper bullet grazes her and instead of killing her, gives her amnesia to the point where she is now effectively a tabula rasa, a sweet, wide-eyed girl who can only say "Nyu" and doesn't even know how to eat, use the bathroom or put on clothes. She is eventually discovered by some college students who take her in, and the government begins its intensive search. Because all she can say is "Nyu" that is the name given to the sweet, innocent, tabula rasa version of Lucy unaware of its powerful homocidal psychic abilities. Giving away the rest would be a disservice, but I can honestly say I've never seen anything, let alone a cartoon, balance such a seemingly psychotic combination of domestic, soap operatic emotions with an unimaginable level of brutality. I actually flinched at certain sequences in the anime not simply because there was blood or severed limbs but because of the deliberate, sadistic intent behind the suffering.
But it's that weird balance Elfen Lied has struck that has me most impressed. The show perfectly manages to mimic the psychotic break of Lucy/Nyu's personality in terms of tone and mood. It seems like the mundane, every day concerns of the two college students, Khota and his female cousin (who has a thing for him) Yuka are in stark contrast to the epic psychic warfare and sadistic, nihilistic underpinnings of Lucy and her pursuers. These two narrative elements shouldn't be in the same story, working together like this, and yet they do. I'm blown away by that, and keep thinking there's something I can learn here for my own writing if I just sit down and absorb it enough.
Suffice to say if you've got a strong stomach for both melodrama and ultra-violence, then this series has got a lot to offer. It's been a long time since an anime story really punched me in the face like this and left an impression, and it's because of the emotion that they've successfully worked into the tale, rather than an excess of character or mecha design that sells it.
I popped this into the DVD player last night and was completely, utterly blown away. I feel incredibly bad now, because I know there's a ton of great anime floating around out there that I haven't watched, but THIS... my God, this is definitely one of the harsher and weirder ones out there, I'm sure.
It's called Elfen Lied, though that last word is pronounced "leed".
The series has been around for a while now, but of course, I'm hopelessly out of the loop on these things, because I'm not plugged into that anime livewire like I used to be in university, and anime has gotten a lot bigger and more complex than the days of yore that I remember when we would all quiver over a bad VHS recording of an episode of Zeta Gundam that had been recorded straight off Japanese TV, no subtitles, and made into a million buzillion copies, of which we got episodes 12 and 26, as 45th generation dub. These days you can you just peruse a copy of Newtype USA and walk into a DVD store and the choices, as well as the pseudo-wannabe-new-American Otaku culture that has sprung up in its wake, are a little overwhelming.
Anyway, all that aside the series itself concerns a psychic mutant by the name of Lucy. Or at least it starts out that way. The opening sets the tone for the rest of the series, that is dark and brutal at times and sweet and adorable, randomly and unpredictably taking turns from one into the other. Lucy can rend human beings to shreds simply by thinking about it, and is in confinement at some high tech research facility, and the first episode is about her break out. The level of violence is staggering and ends with Lucy making her way outside only take narrowly avoid death when a sniper bullet grazes her and instead of killing her, gives her amnesia to the point where she is now effectively a tabula rasa, a sweet, wide-eyed girl who can only say "Nyu" and doesn't even know how to eat, use the bathroom or put on clothes. She is eventually discovered by some college students who take her in, and the government begins its intensive search. Because all she can say is "Nyu" that is the name given to the sweet, innocent, tabula rasa version of Lucy unaware of its powerful homocidal psychic abilities. Giving away the rest would be a disservice, but I can honestly say I've never seen anything, let alone a cartoon, balance such a seemingly psychotic combination of domestic, soap operatic emotions with an unimaginable level of brutality. I actually flinched at certain sequences in the anime not simply because there was blood or severed limbs but because of the deliberate, sadistic intent behind the suffering.
But it's that weird balance Elfen Lied has struck that has me most impressed. The show perfectly manages to mimic the psychotic break of Lucy/Nyu's personality in terms of tone and mood. It seems like the mundane, every day concerns of the two college students, Khota and his female cousin (who has a thing for him) Yuka are in stark contrast to the epic psychic warfare and sadistic, nihilistic underpinnings of Lucy and her pursuers. These two narrative elements shouldn't be in the same story, working together like this, and yet they do. I'm blown away by that, and keep thinking there's something I can learn here for my own writing if I just sit down and absorb it enough.
Suffice to say if you've got a strong stomach for both melodrama and ultra-violence, then this series has got a lot to offer. It's been a long time since an anime story really punched me in the face like this and left an impression, and it's because of the emotion that they've successfully worked into the tale, rather than an excess of character or mecha design that sells it.
Labels: Anime
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Microsoft Launches Xbox 360: Journalists Consume Free Food And Booze
It was the official Singapore launch of the Xbox 360 and Microsoft pulled out the stops. I wouldn't say they pulled out all of them, since this is an island of 4+ million people, and so marketwise, it's not a huge percentage of their global earnings, but since the south east Aisa regional HQ is here, I guess they felt they needed to make the effort. It was an event that was open to both the public and the press, though only the press got to enjoy the free food when they received stickers in the shape of the expanding green circles that signifies the 360 logo. Putting one of these stickers upon your person meant that the hired help was authorized to give you as much finger food, Coke, or Heineken as you wanted.
On the whole the event was the usual run of the mill turgid gathering. The public was more amusing, because... well, they weren't "industry" and so for them getting a chance to see the Xbox 360 at long last was kind of interesting because they were so genuinely happy to be there. The "industry" on the other hand, in this case, people from advertising, media, television, whoever, were either too busy networking to care about anything going on around them, or, if you happened to be me, so exposed to the Xbox 360 as a result of having access to it in an office for a couple of weeks that it was extremely underwhelming to see games you'd just been playing four hours earlier.
The event took place at a building adorably named the Red Dot Museum, a former police station that has now been painted red, at least on one side, and turned into an exhibition space for design (the government's new agends is to promote the idea that there are people here with talent in visual design, rather than just a bunch of bureaucrats) and offices for design agencies. The launch was presided over by Her Cuteness Denise Keller, an MTV VJ person, and had events such as a couple of Chinese girls dropped by bungie cord from the ceiling to simulate the athletic intrigue of Perfect Dark Zero, a girl dressed AS Joanna Dark of Perfect Dark Zero fame, and Denise Keller herself parroting the script given to her that Joanna Dark is in fact the number one babe in video game-dom.
Loud music, rotating lights, huge crowds, and lots of industry people in business attire trying to pretend they were being casual but actually on the make to network and advance their personal agendas made the whole affair one of those ugly little gatherings I have grown to loathe and detest over the years, so I didn't even manage to last 'till the end of it. Having the Wife and a few friends there made it marginallyh tolerable, but at the end of the day, my personal truism still reigns: I Hate This Shit, and I left once I couldn't stomach it anymore. There's just something about too many people pretending to care, pretending to smile and exchanging business cards while pretending they're all great friends that makes me want to stick my head ina toilet bowl and vomit out all the pretense I've been soaking in.
I'm sure other people actually enjoy these kinds of outings, but I just don't have the personality type for it. I've always done parties incredibly, INCREDIBLY badly, and have occasionally left people so unhappy with my behavior that they're actually angry with me after they decide to cut their losses and get me out of there before I start calling people hypocrites. I'm much happier at a genuine press conference, or better yet, an industry event where developers and others who actually make games and care about them are there to talk with. Usually when I meet people at such events, like the World Cyber Games last year, the first thing that comes out my mouth is, "I hate all this hype and marketing, pr shit" and whoever I'm supposed to interview usually lights up at that point and we get a classic geek/nerd rapport going.
It was the official Singapore launch of the Xbox 360 and Microsoft pulled out the stops. I wouldn't say they pulled out all of them, since this is an island of 4+ million people, and so marketwise, it's not a huge percentage of their global earnings, but since the south east Aisa regional HQ is here, I guess they felt they needed to make the effort. It was an event that was open to both the public and the press, though only the press got to enjoy the free food when they received stickers in the shape of the expanding green circles that signifies the 360 logo. Putting one of these stickers upon your person meant that the hired help was authorized to give you as much finger food, Coke, or Heineken as you wanted.
On the whole the event was the usual run of the mill turgid gathering. The public was more amusing, because... well, they weren't "industry" and so for them getting a chance to see the Xbox 360 at long last was kind of interesting because they were so genuinely happy to be there. The "industry" on the other hand, in this case, people from advertising, media, television, whoever, were either too busy networking to care about anything going on around them, or, if you happened to be me, so exposed to the Xbox 360 as a result of having access to it in an office for a couple of weeks that it was extremely underwhelming to see games you'd just been playing four hours earlier.
The event took place at a building adorably named the Red Dot Museum, a former police station that has now been painted red, at least on one side, and turned into an exhibition space for design (the government's new agends is to promote the idea that there are people here with talent in visual design, rather than just a bunch of bureaucrats) and offices for design agencies. The launch was presided over by Her Cuteness Denise Keller, an MTV VJ person, and had events such as a couple of Chinese girls dropped by bungie cord from the ceiling to simulate the athletic intrigue of Perfect Dark Zero, a girl dressed AS Joanna Dark of Perfect Dark Zero fame, and Denise Keller herself parroting the script given to her that Joanna Dark is in fact the number one babe in video game-dom.
Loud music, rotating lights, huge crowds, and lots of industry people in business attire trying to pretend they were being casual but actually on the make to network and advance their personal agendas made the whole affair one of those ugly little gatherings I have grown to loathe and detest over the years, so I didn't even manage to last 'till the end of it. Having the Wife and a few friends there made it marginallyh tolerable, but at the end of the day, my personal truism still reigns: I Hate This Shit, and I left once I couldn't stomach it anymore. There's just something about too many people pretending to care, pretending to smile and exchanging business cards while pretending they're all great friends that makes me want to stick my head ina toilet bowl and vomit out all the pretense I've been soaking in.
I'm sure other people actually enjoy these kinds of outings, but I just don't have the personality type for it. I've always done parties incredibly, INCREDIBLY badly, and have occasionally left people so unhappy with my behavior that they're actually angry with me after they decide to cut their losses and get me out of there before I start calling people hypocrites. I'm much happier at a genuine press conference, or better yet, an industry event where developers and others who actually make games and care about them are there to talk with. Usually when I meet people at such events, like the World Cyber Games last year, the first thing that comes out my mouth is, "I hate all this hype and marketing, pr shit" and whoever I'm supposed to interview usually lights up at that point and we get a classic geek/nerd rapport going.
Labels: Gaming Industry, Journalism
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Upon Watching It
I have decided that I do, in fact, like The Brothers Grimm. Then again, I'm sort'a prejudiced towards Terry Gilliam anyway (Translation: I think he's a damn genius) so this is the final nail in my film critic's coffin that confirms once and for all that I have no taste or sound judgement. Oh well.
I have decided that I do, in fact, like The Brothers Grimm. Then again, I'm sort'a prejudiced towards Terry Gilliam anyway (Translation: I think he's a damn genius) so this is the final nail in my film critic's coffin that confirms once and for all that I have no taste or sound judgement. Oh well.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts, Movies
Monday, March 13, 2006
More Work, And, Video Games Are Eeeevil
Aside from writing articles and playing the likes of Quake IV and Dead Or Alive 4 on the Xbox 360, the rest of the day was spent mulling over the mild disbelief over Tennessee. It would seem that the democratic party in that state has proposed a bill to ban "extremely violent" video games. At first I thought they meant "from sale to minors" but no, they mean just make them plain illegal to sell or own in that state, thus putting video games into a whole other realm.
It amazes me that a country that has the first amendment, video games are now considered somehow more morally bankrupt than hard core pornography, which is still legal to sell and buy.
Man. Games are now on the same footing as contraband drugs. I here I thought playing games was geeky and loserly. Now I find that I'm actually a hard core rebel with major criminal tendencies. From now on when people piss me off, I'll just say, "Don't mess with me, man. I play video games."
To which the only sane reponse is, "OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT, BUT SPARE ME DEATH AT THE HANDS OF YOUR UBER L33T SKILLZ!!!11!!ONEONEONE!"
Aside from writing articles and playing the likes of Quake IV and Dead Or Alive 4 on the Xbox 360, the rest of the day was spent mulling over the mild disbelief over Tennessee. It would seem that the democratic party in that state has proposed a bill to ban "extremely violent" video games. At first I thought they meant "from sale to minors" but no, they mean just make them plain illegal to sell or own in that state, thus putting video games into a whole other realm.
It amazes me that a country that has the first amendment, video games are now considered somehow more morally bankrupt than hard core pornography, which is still legal to sell and buy.
Man. Games are now on the same footing as contraband drugs. I here I thought playing games was geeky and loserly. Now I find that I'm actually a hard core rebel with major criminal tendencies. From now on when people piss me off, I'll just say, "Don't mess with me, man. I play video games."
To which the only sane reponse is, "OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT, BUT SPARE ME DEATH AT THE HANDS OF YOUR UBER L33T SKILLZ!!!11!!ONEONEONE!"
Labels: Gaming Industry
Sunday, March 12, 2006
And On This Lazy Sunday
I ate good Turkish food at my favorite Turkish restaurant (Aerin will know the one, we took her there while she was here) and did more research on my joke article about Urban Legends. Doing the research is more fun than actually writing it, but oh well... Who would'a thunk that there was a secret sex recording briefly mixed into the end of the Beach Boy's song, All I Want To Do, from their 1969 album 20/20?
I ate good Turkish food at my favorite Turkish restaurant (Aerin will know the one, we took her there while she was here) and did more research on my joke article about Urban Legends. Doing the research is more fun than actually writing it, but oh well... Who would'a thunk that there was a secret sex recording briefly mixed into the end of the Beach Boy's song, All I Want To Do, from their 1969 album 20/20?
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Still More Domestic Boringness
The big highlight:
I finished Eternal Darkness for the 3rd time, finally unlocking the cool, but slightly underwhelming secret epilogue.
The big highlight:
I finished Eternal Darkness for the 3rd time, finally unlocking the cool, but slightly underwhelming secret epilogue.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Friday, March 10, 2006
More Domestic Boring-ness
All I did was play Eternal Darkness and shop.
All I did was play Eternal Darkness and shop.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Dramatic Documentaries
It's getting to the point where I'm absolutely convinced that channels like Discovery and National Geographics are singlehandedly responsible for giving the guys that do voice over work for movie trailers more jobs than they could ever have hoped for.
I'm not imagining this, right?
It seems like ever since Walking With Dinosaurs changed the face of documentaries by adding an element of cinematic drama to the proceedings, docos have been losing more and more substance and credibility and getting more and more "exciting" and "dramatic."
I kind of reel in horror as I imagine how this new standard of infotainment would have affected the 80's documentaries when they had no budget and relied on actually being full of ideas and substance to communicate to the audience. For example:
Cosmos:
Carl Sagan: I'm Carl "phasers on obliterate" Sagan and tonight we're going into space where people DIE without the proper protection. That's right, it's the harshet, most dangerous environment known to man, and we're going to explore its depths to see what happens when you puncture a guy's space suit and time just how long it takes for explosive decompression to take place. Then, we'll see how much suffering is experienced when an asteroid, no, a planet killer SMASHES into a world full of innocents! FORGET THE MAJESTY OF THE UNIVERSE, WE'RE HERE TO WATCH PEOPLE DIE! WE'RE TALKING BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF DEATHS!
Any Jacques Cousteau program:
JC: We could ride on the majestic whale shark and take in the awesome profundity that is the vast, teeming environment that is the pacific ocean, or, we can see what happens when a KILLER SHARK TEARS A MAN TO PIECES! REDUCING AN AVERAGE JOE LIKE YOU OR ME INTO SO MUCH QUIVERING, SCREAMING GOO! TONIGHT, ONLY ON JACQUES COUSTEAU'S OCEAN OF DEATH.
Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom with Marlin Perkins:
Marlin Perkins: Here, on the African Veldt, the cycle of hunter and hunted continues, striking a delicate balance between the herbivores and the predators that, cruel as it may seem to us, must necessarily keep the herbivore population in check. That is, until the arrival of my assistant Jim! Jim is about to enter the dangerous world of African predators, with lions that can gore and rip him to shreds in a matter of seconds! They may be fulfilling their role in nature, but more importantly, they're fulfilling their role for our ratings as you, the viewer at home, watch savage, untamed beasts KILL A MAN BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES IN A BARBARIC DISPLAY OF SPILLED BLOOD AND GRISTLE, ONLY ON MUTUAL OF OMAHA'S KINGDOM OF SLAUGHTER, PAIN AND MASSACRE, WHERE PEOPLE DIE, AND DIE HORRIBLY!
It's getting to the point where I'm absolutely convinced that channels like Discovery and National Geographics are singlehandedly responsible for giving the guys that do voice over work for movie trailers more jobs than they could ever have hoped for.
I'm not imagining this, right?
It seems like ever since Walking With Dinosaurs changed the face of documentaries by adding an element of cinematic drama to the proceedings, docos have been losing more and more substance and credibility and getting more and more "exciting" and "dramatic."
I kind of reel in horror as I imagine how this new standard of infotainment would have affected the 80's documentaries when they had no budget and relied on actually being full of ideas and substance to communicate to the audience. For example:
Cosmos:
Carl Sagan: I'm Carl "phasers on obliterate" Sagan and tonight we're going into space where people DIE without the proper protection. That's right, it's the harshet, most dangerous environment known to man, and we're going to explore its depths to see what happens when you puncture a guy's space suit and time just how long it takes for explosive decompression to take place. Then, we'll see how much suffering is experienced when an asteroid, no, a planet killer SMASHES into a world full of innocents! FORGET THE MAJESTY OF THE UNIVERSE, WE'RE HERE TO WATCH PEOPLE DIE! WE'RE TALKING BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF DEATHS!
Any Jacques Cousteau program:
JC: We could ride on the majestic whale shark and take in the awesome profundity that is the vast, teeming environment that is the pacific ocean, or, we can see what happens when a KILLER SHARK TEARS A MAN TO PIECES! REDUCING AN AVERAGE JOE LIKE YOU OR ME INTO SO MUCH QUIVERING, SCREAMING GOO! TONIGHT, ONLY ON JACQUES COUSTEAU'S OCEAN OF DEATH.
Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom with Marlin Perkins:
Marlin Perkins: Here, on the African Veldt, the cycle of hunter and hunted continues, striking a delicate balance between the herbivores and the predators that, cruel as it may seem to us, must necessarily keep the herbivore population in check. That is, until the arrival of my assistant Jim! Jim is about to enter the dangerous world of African predators, with lions that can gore and rip him to shreds in a matter of seconds! They may be fulfilling their role in nature, but more importantly, they're fulfilling their role for our ratings as you, the viewer at home, watch savage, untamed beasts KILL A MAN BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES IN A BARBARIC DISPLAY OF SPILLED BLOOD AND GRISTLE, ONLY ON MUTUAL OF OMAHA'S KINGDOM OF SLAUGHTER, PAIN AND MASSACRE, WHERE PEOPLE DIE, AND DIE HORRIBLY!
Labels: Stupid Scripts, Television Production
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Another Short Post
STILL have not written anything in the novel. Bah.
Have, however, purchased Marvel's The Ultimates volume 2. And written a few more articles. I also smoked my very first cherry flavored menthol cigarette, did a little shopping with the Wife at Orchard Road and had dinner with one o' the boys from the office. Also had an interesting discussion about local urban legends in Singapore and have found out that a) local lore has it children that went missing during the 60's and 70's here disappeared as a result of the need for human sacrifice in order to appease spirits before the massive urban expansionism on the island, and that a couple of missing children were rumored to have had their limbs chopped off so that they could be more effective beggars in Thailand.
Now I think it's time for a little inspiration from the movie 40 Year Old Virgin so that I can feel a little bit reassured and not feel so alone about having never known the touch of a woman aside from bumping one by accident on the train.
Joke. Kidding.
Sheesh.
STILL have not written anything in the novel. Bah.
Have, however, purchased Marvel's The Ultimates volume 2. And written a few more articles. I also smoked my very first cherry flavored menthol cigarette, did a little shopping with the Wife at Orchard Road and had dinner with one o' the boys from the office. Also had an interesting discussion about local urban legends in Singapore and have found out that a) local lore has it children that went missing during the 60's and 70's here disappeared as a result of the need for human sacrifice in order to appease spirits before the massive urban expansionism on the island, and that a couple of missing children were rumored to have had their limbs chopped off so that they could be more effective beggars in Thailand.
Now I think it's time for a little inspiration from the movie 40 Year Old Virgin so that I can feel a little bit reassured and not feel so alone about having never known the touch of a woman aside from bumping one by accident on the train.
Joke. Kidding.
Sheesh.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Short Post
In which a couple of reviews were written over the course of the day, I found out that in the 90's Singapore had a seedy underbelly of youth like the 80's movie The Warriors across the super shopping district of Orchard Road, and a surprisingly good first person shooter was played, as well as Lord of the Rings: Battle For Middle Earth, and in addition a visit to the In-Laws just before the Father-In-Law flies off to Maine in preparation for the transplant of the family to America and we received left-overs from the house-hold as the move is more imminent, said haul including old comics, a spare DVD player and weights.
Oh and I didn't write a single word in the novel. But hey, ya' gots yer blog entry, so that's gotta' count for something.
Now, it is time to watch Corpse Bride.
In which a couple of reviews were written over the course of the day, I found out that in the 90's Singapore had a seedy underbelly of youth like the 80's movie The Warriors across the super shopping district of Orchard Road, and a surprisingly good first person shooter was played, as well as Lord of the Rings: Battle For Middle Earth, and in addition a visit to the In-Laws just before the Father-In-Law flies off to Maine in preparation for the transplant of the family to America and we received left-overs from the house-hold as the move is more imminent, said haul including old comics, a spare DVD player and weights.
Oh and I didn't write a single word in the novel. But hey, ya' gots yer blog entry, so that's gotta' count for something.
Now, it is time to watch Corpse Bride.
Labels: Boring And Insipid Posts
Monday, March 06, 2006
I Have Seen The Future Of Our Species
And it has bad posture, and laughs like it's choking on it's own spit while being squeezed by the scrotum.
I speak of course, of the Nerd, of which I saw many when I went to Nerd-vana, better known as Biopolis for lunch today.
In recent years, one of the things Singapore has done to try and stay relevant is diversify. One of the ways the country has done this is start pushing itself as an Intelligence Based Economy, relying on brain power rather than traditional industry to make its claim in the world market. Part of that initiative has been to have an EXTREMELY friendly policy when it comes to stem cell research, and Biopolis, a science park/campus not far from the GameAxis office, is one of these centers of research. The only reason I even went there is because one of the guys at the office suggested we eat there, it being nearby and none us ever having eaten there before, so it was a "what the hell" moment that led to me quickly being overcome by an intense feeling of being overwhelmed. I was initially confused as to what invisible force was seemingly blowing against me with torrential-like speed when I realized it was the massive collective IQ of a few thousand people several orders of magnitude smarter than anyone else within a 5000 mile radius.
Whereas the rest of us sit around at lunch and say "Yeah, how 'bout them Oscars," these guys sit around and say, "Yeah, I sneezed and it suddenly occurred to me how we could cure cancer," or, "Screw YOU, Captain Kirk is TEN TIMES the man Picard is, and I know because I've figured out how to clone a person with a fingernail, a rubber band, a petri dish, calculator and 6 ounces of uranium 238 mixed with ketchup! Plus, I TOTALLY RULE MAGIC THE GATHERING!"
These people are clear and clinching proof of the success of the nerd. Some of them still carried all the hallmarks of their youth, the gangly limbs, massive adam's apple, glasses with lenses thick enough to stop gamma rays, short sleeved shirts with collars and bad posture, and yet, whereas their jock competitors, the ones who got all the girls in high school are now car mechanics or mid-level grunts in some office, these losers of youth with no social skills whatsoever are worth millions of dollars in Basic Patents, and are the kind of guys that those same girls that scorned them in past now desperately wish they were married to, if only to take advantage of their lack of material taste to blow their huge bank accounts on.
I stood in numb amazement as two Hot Asian Chicks sandwiched a solitary nerd who was eating lunch at his table. They laughed at his jokes, they listened with shimmering engagement to his every word, they realized that he was completely hopeless when it came to relating to other human beings, but they also realized a) he was worth tons and tons of money, and b) he was wrapped around their fingers because they were attractive girls and he was a nerd who had previously only fantasized about ever being approached by such a woman. The loneliness of the nerd, plus their incredible wealth make them easy marks for the Incredible Hotness that Asian girls can cultivate when they really set their mind to it.
But behold, this is our future. Gargantuan IQs mixed with the slinky, winsome DNA of Asian hothouse flowers. The end result? Kids that look like Keanu Reeves but think like Stephen Hawking.
Fear the future, for you cannot escape it.
And it has bad posture, and laughs like it's choking on it's own spit while being squeezed by the scrotum.
I speak of course, of the Nerd, of which I saw many when I went to Nerd-vana, better known as Biopolis for lunch today.
In recent years, one of the things Singapore has done to try and stay relevant is diversify. One of the ways the country has done this is start pushing itself as an Intelligence Based Economy, relying on brain power rather than traditional industry to make its claim in the world market. Part of that initiative has been to have an EXTREMELY friendly policy when it comes to stem cell research, and Biopolis, a science park/campus not far from the GameAxis office, is one of these centers of research. The only reason I even went there is because one of the guys at the office suggested we eat there, it being nearby and none us ever having eaten there before, so it was a "what the hell" moment that led to me quickly being overcome by an intense feeling of being overwhelmed. I was initially confused as to what invisible force was seemingly blowing against me with torrential-like speed when I realized it was the massive collective IQ of a few thousand people several orders of magnitude smarter than anyone else within a 5000 mile radius.
Whereas the rest of us sit around at lunch and say "Yeah, how 'bout them Oscars," these guys sit around and say, "Yeah, I sneezed and it suddenly occurred to me how we could cure cancer," or, "Screw YOU, Captain Kirk is TEN TIMES the man Picard is, and I know because I've figured out how to clone a person with a fingernail, a rubber band, a petri dish, calculator and 6 ounces of uranium 238 mixed with ketchup! Plus, I TOTALLY RULE MAGIC THE GATHERING!"
These people are clear and clinching proof of the success of the nerd. Some of them still carried all the hallmarks of their youth, the gangly limbs, massive adam's apple, glasses with lenses thick enough to stop gamma rays, short sleeved shirts with collars and bad posture, and yet, whereas their jock competitors, the ones who got all the girls in high school are now car mechanics or mid-level grunts in some office, these losers of youth with no social skills whatsoever are worth millions of dollars in Basic Patents, and are the kind of guys that those same girls that scorned them in past now desperately wish they were married to, if only to take advantage of their lack of material taste to blow their huge bank accounts on.
I stood in numb amazement as two Hot Asian Chicks sandwiched a solitary nerd who was eating lunch at his table. They laughed at his jokes, they listened with shimmering engagement to his every word, they realized that he was completely hopeless when it came to relating to other human beings, but they also realized a) he was worth tons and tons of money, and b) he was wrapped around their fingers because they were attractive girls and he was a nerd who had previously only fantasized about ever being approached by such a woman. The loneliness of the nerd, plus their incredible wealth make them easy marks for the Incredible Hotness that Asian girls can cultivate when they really set their mind to it.
But behold, this is our future. Gargantuan IQs mixed with the slinky, winsome DNA of Asian hothouse flowers. The end result? Kids that look like Keanu Reeves but think like Stephen Hawking.
Fear the future, for you cannot escape it.
Labels: Rants, Singapore Stupidity
Sunday, March 05, 2006
It Has Begun
What will probably end up being the hardest thing I do this year.
Start a new novel. A children's novel.
Lost in Loveless now officially has its own MS Word file, properly formatted and spaced with the opening paragraph already written and already needing work, dammit. This is probably going to take a very, very long time to write because I want to keep it short. Neil-O's Coraline managed to weigh in at a positively anorexic 30,000+ words when he finished writing it. I figure I should try and shoot for something similar, definitely not go over 200 pages, but it's going to be painful.
Oh well, at least I've got most of the story already figured out. That's a first. There's just a few bits here and there in the in between parts that have yet to fully sort themselves out, but the majority of it--including the very, very end, but not the ending, if that makes any sense--are mostly there and waiting to be shown their rooms so they can start throwing clothes around and generally making themselves comfortable.
At least it'll give me something to do while The Pale Summer continues to make the rounds.
Boy, I sure hope this book doesn't suck...
What will probably end up being the hardest thing I do this year.
Start a new novel. A children's novel.
Lost in Loveless now officially has its own MS Word file, properly formatted and spaced with the opening paragraph already written and already needing work, dammit. This is probably going to take a very, very long time to write because I want to keep it short. Neil-O's Coraline managed to weigh in at a positively anorexic 30,000+ words when he finished writing it. I figure I should try and shoot for something similar, definitely not go over 200 pages, but it's going to be painful.
Oh well, at least I've got most of the story already figured out. That's a first. There's just a few bits here and there in the in between parts that have yet to fully sort themselves out, but the majority of it--including the very, very end, but not the ending, if that makes any sense--are mostly there and waiting to be shown their rooms so they can start throwing clothes around and generally making themselves comfortable.
At least it'll give me something to do while The Pale Summer continues to make the rounds.
Boy, I sure hope this book doesn't suck...
Labels: Lost In Loveless, Novel Writing, Writing
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Oh Those Whacky Outer Gods
I'm now finally getting around to playing with the surprisingly excellent Eternal Darkness, the best Lovecraft-ian game ever made for a console. The real tragedy of the game is that it's made for the Nintendo GameCube and thus will never get the attention or audience it deserves, which is a shame because the game is a true freak out that gamers will talk about with each other to no end. Of particular interest are the "insanity effects". True to the Cthulu mythos, sanity is a terribly difficult thing to hold onto once you start tearing the veil of ignorance and seeing how large, diabolical, incomprehensible and ultimately uncaring of humanity the universe and its more powerful beings are. When you go crazy in the game, all kinds of suitably insane shit happens, like entering a room and finding yourself walking on the ceiling, or hearing babies crying and women wailing, or hearing random knocks on a door just as you're about to open it, or suddenly watching yourself sink into the ground, or watching each extremity explode one after the other until only your chest is left.
Got me to thinking though about how this whole ugly mess got started. You'd think the Elder Gods would have shown more foresight, but oh well...
Ext. Primeval Earth, South Pacific Ocean, R'lyeh. Day.
Two of the Elder Gods, NODENS and ULTHAR have finished cleaning up the mess the evil Great Old Ones made and have finally put them into an eternal slumber from which they will never wake. They are now stopping for a cigarette.
Nodens: Damn, that was irritating.
Ulthar takes a drag from his cigarette.
Ulthar: Hey, at least you get to LEAVE, I'm stuck here.
Nodens: I TOLD you not to go on reservist, they get all the shit jobs.
Ulthar: Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up already. It's probably not going to be that bad.
Nodens: Not going to be that bad?!? You're holding vigil over Cthulu and all the other Great Old Ones on this stupid ball of mud to make sure they don't arise and threaten the existence of all that is living and sane! HOW CAN THAT NOT BE THAT BAD?!?
Ulthar: I'm gonna' take a nap.
Nodens: Er... Come again?
Ulthar: Yeah, I've been working pretty hard the last few epochs, I figure this is my break time.
Nodens: Which part of the job description for "guardian" were you not briefed on?
Ulthar: Hey, RELAX. Look at this place, what do we have here?
Nodens: Bipedal reptiles, mostly.
Ulthar: Right. You think they're smart enough to do anything about Cthulu or Dagon? They can barely remember to chew.
Nodens: Yeah, exactly, that's why we chose this remote, spitball planet.
Ulthar: Right! It's perfectly safe, I'm just the token presence for a little peace of mind, you don't seriously think they expect anything to happen, do they? I mean, what could? First, if Cthulu is even going to get any kind of action, he's going to need a complex mind to manipulate.
Nodens: Well, those mammal things kind of-
Ulthar: Oh PLEASE. Those things? Yeah, I admit, they have evolutionary potential, but they'll never get anywhere with those walking jaws running around. It would take an asteroid hitting this place to wipe out the lizards and give them even a REMOTE chance, and what are the odds of that?
Nodens: Hm... Pretty low.
Ulthar: EXACTLY. And even if that were to happen, fine, then what? They'd need to evolve to the point where they have sentience, and THEN they have to develop that sentience to the point where they have culture, and THEN they have to corrupt that culture in the service of greed and self-advancement, and NO intelligent life form has EVER done that, by virtue of being that smart, you'd NEVER act that stupid. Cthulu doesn't have a leg to stand on, let alone a mind to prey on.
Nodens: You make a good case.
Ulthar: I'm just stating the facts buddy. Absolutely, positively, no way in the cosmos would a race smart enough to have technology but greedy enough to want power would EVER develop here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap. See ya' at the next cosmic alignment...
I'm now finally getting around to playing with the surprisingly excellent Eternal Darkness, the best Lovecraft-ian game ever made for a console. The real tragedy of the game is that it's made for the Nintendo GameCube and thus will never get the attention or audience it deserves, which is a shame because the game is a true freak out that gamers will talk about with each other to no end. Of particular interest are the "insanity effects". True to the Cthulu mythos, sanity is a terribly difficult thing to hold onto once you start tearing the veil of ignorance and seeing how large, diabolical, incomprehensible and ultimately uncaring of humanity the universe and its more powerful beings are. When you go crazy in the game, all kinds of suitably insane shit happens, like entering a room and finding yourself walking on the ceiling, or hearing babies crying and women wailing, or hearing random knocks on a door just as you're about to open it, or suddenly watching yourself sink into the ground, or watching each extremity explode one after the other until only your chest is left.
Got me to thinking though about how this whole ugly mess got started. You'd think the Elder Gods would have shown more foresight, but oh well...
Ext. Primeval Earth, South Pacific Ocean, R'lyeh. Day.
Two of the Elder Gods, NODENS and ULTHAR have finished cleaning up the mess the evil Great Old Ones made and have finally put them into an eternal slumber from which they will never wake. They are now stopping for a cigarette.
Nodens: Damn, that was irritating.
Ulthar takes a drag from his cigarette.
Ulthar: Hey, at least you get to LEAVE, I'm stuck here.
Nodens: I TOLD you not to go on reservist, they get all the shit jobs.
Ulthar: Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up already. It's probably not going to be that bad.
Nodens: Not going to be that bad?!? You're holding vigil over Cthulu and all the other Great Old Ones on this stupid ball of mud to make sure they don't arise and threaten the existence of all that is living and sane! HOW CAN THAT NOT BE THAT BAD?!?
Ulthar: I'm gonna' take a nap.
Nodens: Er... Come again?
Ulthar: Yeah, I've been working pretty hard the last few epochs, I figure this is my break time.
Nodens: Which part of the job description for "guardian" were you not briefed on?
Ulthar: Hey, RELAX. Look at this place, what do we have here?
Nodens: Bipedal reptiles, mostly.
Ulthar: Right. You think they're smart enough to do anything about Cthulu or Dagon? They can barely remember to chew.
Nodens: Yeah, exactly, that's why we chose this remote, spitball planet.
Ulthar: Right! It's perfectly safe, I'm just the token presence for a little peace of mind, you don't seriously think they expect anything to happen, do they? I mean, what could? First, if Cthulu is even going to get any kind of action, he's going to need a complex mind to manipulate.
Nodens: Well, those mammal things kind of-
Ulthar: Oh PLEASE. Those things? Yeah, I admit, they have evolutionary potential, but they'll never get anywhere with those walking jaws running around. It would take an asteroid hitting this place to wipe out the lizards and give them even a REMOTE chance, and what are the odds of that?
Nodens: Hm... Pretty low.
Ulthar: EXACTLY. And even if that were to happen, fine, then what? They'd need to evolve to the point where they have sentience, and THEN they have to develop that sentience to the point where they have culture, and THEN they have to corrupt that culture in the service of greed and self-advancement, and NO intelligent life form has EVER done that, by virtue of being that smart, you'd NEVER act that stupid. Cthulu doesn't have a leg to stand on, let alone a mind to prey on.
Nodens: You make a good case.
Ulthar: I'm just stating the facts buddy. Absolutely, positively, no way in the cosmos would a race smart enough to have technology but greedy enough to want power would EVER develop here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap. See ya' at the next cosmic alignment...
Labels: Adventure Games, Games, Stupid Scripts
Friday, March 03, 2006
Carpe Geek-um
Well that was a weird day.
The afternoon was spent at a talk given by all sorts of official government types who had invited the various journalists of different tech-centric organizations to bask in the announcement that Singapore was once again reaffirming its ambition to become an important digital hub with a burgeoning gaming industry. To prove their point, they had all sorts of wonderful charts citing the amazing new advances they were making to technological infrastructure, once again completely missing the point they consistently fail to understand year in year out; tools are nothing without talent. In the same way they believed having SGI machines would miraculously allow locals to churn out dinosaurs just like Jurassic Park, they are now proudly beating their chest over the fact that they have a wonderful digital infrastructure in mind to start cranking out Kingdom Hearts and Shadow of the Colossus, this despite the fact that so far they have failed to produce even one person in public awareness even capable of having such ideas.
Weirdest moment of the event; someone came up to me and asked, "Are you Wayne Santos? The writer of 9 Lives?"
"Uh... yeeeeeeah... why?"
"It's an honor to meet you!"
Right. Okay. That was officially freaky.
The late afternoon and early evening was spent at the Nanyang Technological University, where the Bastards At GameAxis had "volunteered" me to speak to a bunch of disinterested students about the gaming industry. Unfortunately, they had decided to put me in dead last, and so I sat through some lectures on new graphics engines that allowed 3D graphics on portable technologies like phones, and an introduction to a wonderful new for of Java code that made no sense to me whatsoever. By the time I was up, I was thoroughly bored and just about didn't care what I said. My talk was about non-programming jobs in the gaming industry. Here are a few choice quotes during the course of the talk:
At the Intro:
"I hope that made sense to you guys, 'cause I'm an idiot and didn't understand a word of it."
"Show of hands, is there anyone here NOT taking a degree in Rocket Science?"
"This is the first time in my life that I've ever used Powerpoint. My wife put it together, and this guy over here has to get it running for me. Toldja' I was an idiot."
"I'm a game journalist. That means I spend my day playing video games, and then I write about it and say whether it rocks or sucks, and people actually give me money for this. No, that's not fair, but then it's an imperfect world we live in. Deal with it."
On Directors:
"That picture there is Hideo Kojima, the creator of Metal Gear Solid. He's living proof that you can be a nerd and still make a huge amount of money and get revenge on the jocks that pushed you around in highschool. Be strong and hold out, that could be you someday."
On Producers:
"Can I swear? I'm only going to use the one swear and I promise no more. The producer is the Shit Shield. He's the guy that stands between the creators and the business people at the publisher and development house, and tells the business people "Give them more time," and tells the developers, "We don't have 5 million dollars to do that. Sorry, but that's the way it is."
On Lawyers:
"Yeah, they're scum sucking, amoral bottom feeders, but they're coming pretty handy with this whole 'games are evil let's ban them' hoopla going on in America right now."
On the games industry in Singapore:
"The guys in charge have no clue. I'll level with you. They see how big games are around the rest of the world and they want a piece of that action, but they know NOTHING about games, and they're not even talking to gamers about it. If there's going to be any kind of change, that's where you guys come in, so my advice to you? CARE. GIVE A DAMN. The only way Singapore is ever going to produce a good game is if people stop talking the talk and actually MAKE something good. Only you guys can do that, 'cause the government doesn't know what the hell is going on, all they see are the dollar signs and the new stories about games being popular."
At the end of talk, I actually got applause. That was cool. I'll probably never be asked to speak again, since I could see the people at the school blanching every time I made a "the government is ignorant" statement, but then that's what you get for asking a geek, I guess.
Speaking of geek, time for more games. Yee haw.
Well that was a weird day.
The afternoon was spent at a talk given by all sorts of official government types who had invited the various journalists of different tech-centric organizations to bask in the announcement that Singapore was once again reaffirming its ambition to become an important digital hub with a burgeoning gaming industry. To prove their point, they had all sorts of wonderful charts citing the amazing new advances they were making to technological infrastructure, once again completely missing the point they consistently fail to understand year in year out; tools are nothing without talent. In the same way they believed having SGI machines would miraculously allow locals to churn out dinosaurs just like Jurassic Park, they are now proudly beating their chest over the fact that they have a wonderful digital infrastructure in mind to start cranking out Kingdom Hearts and Shadow of the Colossus, this despite the fact that so far they have failed to produce even one person in public awareness even capable of having such ideas.
Weirdest moment of the event; someone came up to me and asked, "Are you Wayne Santos? The writer of 9 Lives?"
"Uh... yeeeeeeah... why?"
"It's an honor to meet you!"
Right. Okay. That was officially freaky.
The late afternoon and early evening was spent at the Nanyang Technological University, where the Bastards At GameAxis had "volunteered" me to speak to a bunch of disinterested students about the gaming industry. Unfortunately, they had decided to put me in dead last, and so I sat through some lectures on new graphics engines that allowed 3D graphics on portable technologies like phones, and an introduction to a wonderful new for of Java code that made no sense to me whatsoever. By the time I was up, I was thoroughly bored and just about didn't care what I said. My talk was about non-programming jobs in the gaming industry. Here are a few choice quotes during the course of the talk:
At the Intro:
"I hope that made sense to you guys, 'cause I'm an idiot and didn't understand a word of it."
"Show of hands, is there anyone here NOT taking a degree in Rocket Science?"
"This is the first time in my life that I've ever used Powerpoint. My wife put it together, and this guy over here has to get it running for me. Toldja' I was an idiot."
"I'm a game journalist. That means I spend my day playing video games, and then I write about it and say whether it rocks or sucks, and people actually give me money for this. No, that's not fair, but then it's an imperfect world we live in. Deal with it."
On Directors:
"That picture there is Hideo Kojima, the creator of Metal Gear Solid. He's living proof that you can be a nerd and still make a huge amount of money and get revenge on the jocks that pushed you around in highschool. Be strong and hold out, that could be you someday."
On Producers:
"Can I swear? I'm only going to use the one swear and I promise no more. The producer is the Shit Shield. He's the guy that stands between the creators and the business people at the publisher and development house, and tells the business people "Give them more time," and tells the developers, "We don't have 5 million dollars to do that. Sorry, but that's the way it is."
On Lawyers:
"Yeah, they're scum sucking, amoral bottom feeders, but they're coming pretty handy with this whole 'games are evil let's ban them' hoopla going on in America right now."
On the games industry in Singapore:
"The guys in charge have no clue. I'll level with you. They see how big games are around the rest of the world and they want a piece of that action, but they know NOTHING about games, and they're not even talking to gamers about it. If there's going to be any kind of change, that's where you guys come in, so my advice to you? CARE. GIVE A DAMN. The only way Singapore is ever going to produce a good game is if people stop talking the talk and actually MAKE something good. Only you guys can do that, 'cause the government doesn't know what the hell is going on, all they see are the dollar signs and the new stories about games being popular."
At the end of talk, I actually got applause. That was cool. I'll probably never be asked to speak again, since I could see the people at the school blanching every time I made a "the government is ignorant" statement, but then that's what you get for asking a geek, I guess.
Speaking of geek, time for more games. Yee haw.
Labels: Gaming Industry, Journalism
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Moisturizing Liquid Soap
So it occurred to me today while shopping with the Wife that I've never seen a soap commercial that catered to the very special needs of Basic Military Training drill sergeants:
EXT. A NAMELESS ARMY TRAINING CAMP. DAY.
Two drill sergeants are sitting on top of new recruits that are doing push ups. The sergeants are huge, virile, hunks of sadistic, white anglo-saxon male protestant masculinity so straight you could draw lines with 'em for geometry class.
Drill Sergeant 1: SOMETIMES I DON'T GET THAT FRESH FEELING!
Drill Sergeant 2: I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, SERGEANT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANS, PRIVATE?
Soldier: YES!
DS2: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Soldier: Sir, yes sir!
DS2: YOU WILL GIVE ME FOUR THOUSAND AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!
Soldier: SIR, YES SIR!
DS2: I JUST WISH THAT THERE WERE A SOAP THAT UNDERSTANDS OUR SENSITIVE NEEDS!
DS1: YEAH, A SOAP THAT SAYS "HEY, I MAY TALK LIKE I HAVE A BULL HORN SURGICALLY IMPLANTED IN MY DIAPHRAGM BUT THAT DON'T MEAN BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN DIDN'T MAKE ME CRY!"
They stare at each other meaningfully and then break gaze as the privates they sit on continue to do push ups.
DS2: ANYWAY, HAVE YOU TRIED VELVET FIST SOAP?
DS1: WHAT'S THAT?
DS2: IT'S WHAT IT SAYS, A SOAP FULL OF NUTRIENTS AND MOISTURIZERS THAT FEELS LIKE VELVET ON YOUR HANDS!
DS1: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF SOAP FOR ME, THE KIND OF SOAP THAT SAYS, "YEAH, I LIKE BEATING OLD MEN SENSELESS, BUT THAT DON'T MEAN I CAN'T ENJOY SOME NICE CHINESE SILK STOCKINGS ON MY LEGS FROM TIME TO TIME!"
DS2: EXACTLY, IT'S THE KIND OF SOAP THAT REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT IT IS TO BE A REAL MAN, A MAN THAT ACTS TOUGH BUT HAS THE HEART OF A PANSY!
Soldier: Sir, I enjoy knitting, sir!
They stare.
DS1: I'M GONNA' KILL YOU, YOU QUEER FREAK!
So it occurred to me today while shopping with the Wife that I've never seen a soap commercial that catered to the very special needs of Basic Military Training drill sergeants:
EXT. A NAMELESS ARMY TRAINING CAMP. DAY.
Two drill sergeants are sitting on top of new recruits that are doing push ups. The sergeants are huge, virile, hunks of sadistic, white anglo-saxon male protestant masculinity so straight you could draw lines with 'em for geometry class.
Drill Sergeant 1: SOMETIMES I DON'T GET THAT FRESH FEELING!
Drill Sergeant 2: I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN, SERGEANT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANS, PRIVATE?
Soldier: YES!
DS2: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Soldier: Sir, yes sir!
DS2: YOU WILL GIVE ME FOUR THOUSAND AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!
Soldier: SIR, YES SIR!
DS2: I JUST WISH THAT THERE WERE A SOAP THAT UNDERSTANDS OUR SENSITIVE NEEDS!
DS1: YEAH, A SOAP THAT SAYS "HEY, I MAY TALK LIKE I HAVE A BULL HORN SURGICALLY IMPLANTED IN MY DIAPHRAGM BUT THAT DON'T MEAN BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN DIDN'T MAKE ME CRY!"
They stare at each other meaningfully and then break gaze as the privates they sit on continue to do push ups.
DS2: ANYWAY, HAVE YOU TRIED VELVET FIST SOAP?
DS1: WHAT'S THAT?
DS2: IT'S WHAT IT SAYS, A SOAP FULL OF NUTRIENTS AND MOISTURIZERS THAT FEELS LIKE VELVET ON YOUR HANDS!
DS1: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF SOAP FOR ME, THE KIND OF SOAP THAT SAYS, "YEAH, I LIKE BEATING OLD MEN SENSELESS, BUT THAT DON'T MEAN I CAN'T ENJOY SOME NICE CHINESE SILK STOCKINGS ON MY LEGS FROM TIME TO TIME!"
DS2: EXACTLY, IT'S THE KIND OF SOAP THAT REALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT IT IS TO BE A REAL MAN, A MAN THAT ACTS TOUGH BUT HAS THE HEART OF A PANSY!
Soldier: Sir, I enjoy knitting, sir!
They stare.
DS1: I'M GONNA' KILL YOU, YOU QUEER FREAK!
Labels: Stupid Scripts
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Ka-Lee-For-Ny-Ay
It's official.
After being given the go ahead by the boys at GameAxis I have gone and filed my registration for the Electronic Entertainment Expo, better known as E3, the big Los Angeles industry show at which all the game developers show of their wares to the shameless whores--read game journalists--who salivate over the glitzy new games and then scurry back to the sunless cubicles to eat more pizza and rhapsodize about the fact that they just saw and played games that the rest of the public won't be able to touch for any where from 3 months to three years.
I have been wanting to go to one of these things for, like, EVER.
I guess sometimes being a geek does have its fringe benefits.
And in other news, tomorrow I have to talk to a bunch of teenagers about the games industry. More on that after the fact...
It's official.
After being given the go ahead by the boys at GameAxis I have gone and filed my registration for the Electronic Entertainment Expo, better known as E3, the big Los Angeles industry show at which all the game developers show of their wares to the shameless whores--read game journalists--who salivate over the glitzy new games and then scurry back to the sunless cubicles to eat more pizza and rhapsodize about the fact that they just saw and played games that the rest of the public won't be able to touch for any where from 3 months to three years.
I have been wanting to go to one of these things for, like, EVER.
I guess sometimes being a geek does have its fringe benefits.
And in other news, tomorrow I have to talk to a bunch of teenagers about the games industry. More on that after the fact...
Labels: Gaming Industry, Journalism
Archives
01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003
02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003
03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003
04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003
05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
